Quiet Talks ~ My Daily Inspiration

ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE CHALLENGE?

What do you do when you first wake up?

If you reach for your phone first thing, then this challenge is for you.

If you want to change a habit, replace it with something “instead of.”

Instead of your phone, try this for 30 days:

HURRY.  THIS OFFER IS HARD TO REFUSE. $10 FOR A BOOK THAT WILL FOREVER CHANGE YOUR LIFE

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Are you having a tough time?  Is your world falling apart piece by piece?

A lot is going on these days.  Everyone seems to struggle with one thing or another.   Some days it seems life will never get back on track.

Through all the difficult times, there is still some good to be found.

Try to imagine the alternative. 

Fewer struggles, a little bit of peace.

And that is what inspired this book.

The most difficult year of my life.  They say difficulty forges a strong spirit, and goodness is hidden in trying times.  Well, whatever the reason for going through this, guidance was sorely needed, so I turned to three books, started a journal, and wrote down the passage I read for that day.

Along the way, I realized the wisdom in these pages could help others, too.  So, I typed out what I had written, put it between this lovely cover, and here you have my sixth published book.

A compilation of inspiring quotes from the Bible, the Tao Teh Ching, Buddha, and others.

ACT NOW.  THIS $10 OFFER IS FOR THE FIRST 50 ORDERS, ONLY.

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Why settle for pain and misery, when you can finally have some peace?  Life changes on the inside before it changes on the outside. 

Looking at life from a different perspective than what you have now will change you – both from the inside and the out.

Let this be the year you can finally get your life on track.  Buy this book of wisdom and inspiration.

It is a book of quotes, but unlike any other book you’ve read.  You will find such quotes as one of my favorites:

An appropriate wish for today’s world, wouldn’t you say?

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(Sorry, no pictures in the book.  Not a bad idea, though…  And also no e-book.  That would defeat the purpose of staying off your phone!!)

The books I used in my search for peace are well worn and well loved.  Each has been in my library for years.  I refer to them frequently, and when I was going through this worst year of my life, I read them every day.

The theme that runs through this book is to listen to your inner voice.  This voice speaks to your passion; your true desires.  Your intuition helps you make the right decisions – if you listen to it.

It is astonishing that what was true at the beginning of mankind are the same truths today.   Universal truths, truths that cannot be disputed or changed.

The three great teachers, Buddha, Jesus, and Lao Tzu, who lived centuries and worlds apart, all gave us the same advice for a happy and successful life.

Give thanks, have faith without doubt, and believe anything is possible.  Oh, yes, of course, the Biggy … love one another.

Easy to do, right?  Right.

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DON’T DELAY!  ONLY $10!
HURRY, BE ONE OF THE FIRST 50 READERS TO ORDER THIS BOOK!

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Here are the three books I used in my search for enlightenment.

 

Quiet Talks with the Master
Quiet Talks with the Master

Quiet Talks with the Master by Eva Bell Werber 

As you can see from the frayed edges, it is well read.  I picked it up in a used bookstore years ago, and the wisdom within this book has sustained me countless times.

Eva Bell Werber was born in 1888 and published her book in 1935 – one of several books where she recorded her meditations with the Master.

Tao Teh Ching by Lao Tzu, translated by John Wu 

Tao Teh Ching
Tao Teh Ching

The literal translation is “The Way and its Power.”  The WAY is the path we travel in this life.  Taoism (The “T” is pronounced with a “D” sound) is the one most ancient of philosophies of how to live a virtuous and upstanding life.  Practical advice that is as good today as it was in 6th century BCE when Lao Tzu wrote it.

The Bible

The Bible

Many of the passages in “Quiet Talks – My Daily Inspiration” are taken from Psalm, the song of David.  King David lamented about his enemies, and how they would be conquered.  We all have enemies, and you will find some practical advice on how to deal with them.  The Bible is one of the most read books ever printed, but sometimes it is difficult to sift through the rhetoric and find what you are looking for, so I sifted it out for you.

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This is a book of spirituality, not religion.  This is profound wisdom about right living, getting along with others, and trusting the power within you.

Advice we could all heed in this day and age.

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This is how to best benefit from the book

Take a moment of silence, consider your question or problem, clear your mind, and when ready, open to the page where your fingers lead you.

Think about what you read for a moment and how it pertains to your life.  You will be amazed how answers start popping out at you.

Practice makes perfect

If you do something every day it becomes a habit – helpful habits like positive affirmations will, indeed, produce positive results.  One day you will notice you are more receptive to your inner voice.  You will discover that when you argue with this voice, the thought comes back as “I should have listened.”

With daily practice, and the belief that you are one with the Universe and you are tapping into this great Intelligence, you will find your life manifesting in ways you always dreamed of – or better.

We all have heard it.  Think positive thoughts and positive things will happen to you.

So we force positive thoughts, and nothing happens.  That’s because we are trying to drive the bus.  Trying to make life go the way we want it to.  Letting our egos rule – or as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “Edging God Out.”  EGO.

Quiet Talks – My Daily Inspiration will help you find that mindset – if you give it a chance.  A month.  Read a passage every day for 30 days and see how you feel.  See what has changed.

Take the challenge.  Buy the book. 
Let me know how it goes.

What can it hurt? Take the challenge. 30 seconds of your first waking moments. 

All it takes is 30 seconds to start your day off on a positive spin.  Try it, give it a chance.  30 seconds for 30 days.  A piece of cake.

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I am positive you will see positive results.

Give it a try.  For only $10, what can you lose?

This offer wouldn’t be complete without something special to go with it.

Bonus #1:  You cannot buy it, it cannot be given to you.  Your peace of mind will come.  It’s been a year since I started reading daily inspirations, and what a difference in my state of mind!  You do not have to “Think” yourself to be grateful, purposeful, useful.  Read a passage daily and your mind will do the rest.

Bonus #2:  Subtle changes.  You stop talking put-downs to yourself because you are priceless, and you have finally accepted it.  You are kinder to others because a smile is easier than a frown.

Bonus #3:  Worry much, do you?  Once you realize you can only take care of today, and today you are being taken care of, you will see your worry is a waste of time.  Life is too short to worry!

Bonus #4:  Take the Quantum Leap into Abundance – A Guide to the Good Life.

click here to get your e-book

 

Here you will find:

    • A no-nonsense approach to building a kinder self-image
    • How to build meditation and gratitude into your day
    • How people turn peak experiences into life-defining moments
    • the real-world Shangri-La where people live beyond the age of 100
    • What an ancient great swordsman says about spirit and iron will
    • How to live a satisfying life

Come, take the Quantum Leap.

Get your e-book here.  Only $2.99.

 

May you find peace

c.w. Pickett

 

 

 

Beat A Bully Without a Fight

beat a bully

IS BULLYING AN EPIDEMIC?

DID YOU KNOW???

160,000 American Children Stay Home from School Each Day to Avoid Their Bully

from the back cover

There is much talk and many books about the subject, but it seems bullying in schools is getting worse, instead of better.

Beat a Bully Without a Fight is about preventing bullying, and how parents can help their child overcome the devastation of being bullied that can lead to depression, ostracism, and worse..buy now

Rather than punishing children for not getting along, the author makes a great case for teaching both the bully and the bullied to resolve conflict peaceably.

The secret is solving the conflict when the problem is small.

Many of us, not just children, are subjected to bullies, and we have suffered because if it.  After seven long years of dealing with her own bullies, the author brings perspective and understanding of this serious state of affairs that plagues our society and dominates so many lives.

the story behind the book

why?

Why? you ask. Why do I write books about bullying and stalking? Why not write about something pleasant, like a juicy romance novel or a self-help book on sewing?

Sometimes ideas appear and continue to nag at you until you do something with them.  So this is why I write on these topics: 

      1. Because the issues are pressing and will not leave my brain
      2. To give my readers a different perspective on why we do what we do

It needs to be said.  And continued to be said until we figure out violence is not the answer, and that we must take proactive measures to prevent it.

Even though these are negative-sounding topics, there is much good that can come out of examining the brutal reality of our existence. 

You might say the ideas for writing books on bullying and stalking just “appeared.” While researching the contemptable situation of America’s unjust justice system (!), the subject of stalking kept rising to the top. The numbers were huge – too huge to ignore.

And right alongside this data are numbers on bullying.  Why are so many children staying home from schools to avoid their bully?

I believe anyone reading this has been bullied at some time in your life.  Be glad if you have never had the “pleasure.”  There is always someone bigger and stronger than we are, someone that will take whatever means possible to get their way.

I also believe we are this way because we have been conditioned to “take it.”  The older generations were taught to respect authority, no matter what.  And while they were doing the respecting, “authority” took advantage of that and used it against us. 

And now, no one seems to know who to respect.

Our “turn the other cheek ” mentality does not work when it comes to bullying.

If you see someone bullied, and do or say nothing about it, you are just as big a bully as the bully.  By proxy, so to speak.

To stand up and speak out could mean you will be ostracized and put down.  Why would you want to do that?  After all, you have a life, a family.  Why rock the boat?  This thinking works well – until it happens to you.

Beat a Bully without a Fight:  Advice for Parents talks about managing emotions and using “I” statements.  Something most of us could learn to do better.  

Did you know children who are “different’ (color, disability, sexual orientation) are two to three times more likely to be bullied than those who are not?kids with disabilities are just kidsOf the 160,000 children that stay home each day, where are they getting their education?  How many children go to school and face their bully because staying home is not an option?

What are we teaching our future generations?

an excerpt from the book

Managing and resolving conflict are skills everyone can use. Unfortunately, this is not usually taught in our schools. When a bully and the bullied are disciplined in school, they are reprimanded and sent to detention. This is a perfect time for educators to teach both of them how to solve their problems. Counselling, instead of detention.

When we deal with these behaviors with punishment, we only nurture more hatred and resentment.

Judging from the vast number of children that stay home from school, the school bullying programs are not doing a very good job in thwarting this epidemic. And indeed, a report by McCallion & Fedor (2013), show that school bullying programs decrease bullying by only 25%.

A child is a captive audience when he is in trouble. He is willing to do whatever he can to get off the hook.

Rather than mete out punishment, what if both the bullied and bully were offered counseling and taught assertiveness skills?

This would give them the opportunity to discuss the difficulties they are having with each other, and after a few sessions of individual counseling, the two could come together to discuss their differences.

LABELING EMOTIONS

Labeling emotions is an important skill. Douglas Noll, in his book,

De-escalate. How to calm an angry person in 90 seconds or less, lists the five emotions that rule us.

1. Anger
2. Fear
3. Anxiety
4. Disgust
5. Grief/Shame/Humiliation
6. Abandoned/unloved

He uses this tier for labeling emotions in his counseling classes for inmates in California prisons, called Prisons for Peace. The trick is identifying the emotion and labeling it. Once you know how you are feeling, you can understand why you feel this way.

The first emotion to present is anger, but if you dig deeper, you will identify the others, perhaps all of them. As you go down the tier, each emotion amplifies the ones above it. Feelings of abandonment will affect every other aspect of your life.

Once you can label your emotions, you can label them in others. Noll advises watching a 30-second TV commercial and see how many emotions you can identify. With a little bit of practice, you will be able to read other people’s emotions and label them, for your own use, not to throw back in their face.

Remember, this is conflict resolution – reaching an understanding.

anger management

When approached by a difficult and angry person, do this:

1. Ignore the words
2. Guess at and reflect back the emotions.

Here is an example of how this works between parent and child:

P: You hit your little brother?
C: Because he was bothering me.
P: You were annoyed and frustrated.
C: He wouldn’t quit bothering me.
P: You were angry and annoyed.
C: Yeah, I wanted to be left alone!
P: You feel disrespected and not listened to.
C: Yeah!

Notice there is no deep soul-searching conversation about why the sister feels this way. The idea is to identify the emotion the child is feeling so she can bring it out in the open and acknowledge it.

Without putting the onus on anyone, the child is appeased and understood. How many times do we become frustrated because we cannot get our point across, no matter how hard we try? The person listening just doesn’t get it. They are so wrapped up in their own world view, they fail to even try to understand yours.

DO NOT DELAY.
READ THIS IMPORTANT BOOK TODAY!

boy pulling on kid who is cryingWill you join me?  

Stop the violence in our cities and schools.  In the nation.  In the world. 

All it takes is a smile and a kind word.

STOP IT when you SEE IT!

We must all do our parts and stand up for ANYONE who is getting picked on, tormented, chided, made fun of, whether child or adult, male or female.

We must all do our parts and check our own judgemental ways.

With each smile and kind word, we can build a BRAVE NEW WORLD, a world without violence.  A world where children do not stay home from school to avoid their bully.

BEGIN HERE!  

  1. READ THE BOOK.
  2. TELL YOUR FRIENDS.
  3. STAND UP FOR YOUR CHILD.

 

beat a bully

$2.99

Guilty Before Proven Innocent: A look behind America’s Iron Curtain

More than one-third of America’s citizens are under some kind of correctional control – jail, prison, probation, or parole.

What is the Iron Curtain?  When Russia was called the Soviet Union and under Communist rule, communism was called the “iron curtain.”

In America we claim freedom, but too many of our citizens are trapped behind the iron bars of justice.

You’ve probably heard it on the news or seen it on the internet:  2.3 Americans are in prison and 11 to 12 million churns through jails every year.  Nearly two thirds of those in jail are technically innocent.  They have been charged, but not proven, of a crime.

Since most people in jail live in poverty anyway, they cannot afford to pay the bondsman, and so they sit.  More and more women are being arrested and incarcerated – for low level crimes.  Mothers are losing their children, not for abuse, but because their sentence term is long enough for the courts take the children away.

The majority of people in the system are parents.  Mothers and fathers with young children lose their jobs because of a three-day stay in jail.  The consequences of a conviction, whether felony or misdemeanor, is lost chances.

Lost chances at renting a decent place to live and having a well-paying job.  Policies of landowners and employers are geared toward not hiring, or renting to, those with a criminal record.

The three largest groups of the homeless:

1. Those incarcerated more than once
2. Those incarcerated who are recently released
3. People of color

Once the legal system has you, say goodbye not only to your freedom, but to your life – which will not be the same once your legal problems are over.  They will follow you the rest of your life, and if you happen to be involved in a crime down the road, you will be one of the first to be suspected.

Suicide does not know income boundaries, those with the highest income and the lowest income commit suicide – but there is an inordinate number of suicides among the mentally ill in prisons and jails.

Suicide is the leading cause of death in correctional facilities. An estimated half of all inmate-suicides are committed by those with a mental illness.

Vera Institute of Justice

There is no psychiatric facility in the United States that holds more people with mental illness than jails!  The conditions of jail just make things worse:

WHY JAIL IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTHbuy now
    1. The lights are on 24/7. Day in, day out, there is halogen and/or fluorescent lighting in the day room, the sleeping rooms, and the exercise yard. This is light torture. The body needs dark to process melatonin for sleep. The mind and body need a restful nights’ sleep to function properly.
    2. The food is meant to tempt empty bellies, and not intended to be wildly nutritious or balanced. A poor diet contributes to mental-health problems as much as lack of sleep.
    3. Hygiene. Shared toilet facilities, improper sanitation, less-than-clean conditions, all of these contribute to the rampant spread of disease.
    4. Lack of sunshine or exercise. You can be sure the jailers do not pass out vitamin D pills! Without sunshine, depression sets in. Jails do not promote much activity, and we know what lack of activity does to our bodies.

It is true, people are in jail to be punished, but why does punishment take away basic human needs? If proper food, exercise, sunshine and adequate hygiene were provided, jail would not be such a hellhole.

Did you know the states that rank the lowest in healthcare rank the highest IN BOTH suicide deaths and incarceration?

These states are clustered in the mountain states, including Alaska.  The states with the heaviest gun control laws have the lowest rates of suicide.  Barriers, such as gun locks, take away the impulsiveness of the moment, and gives the person a chance to think twice.

 

 

America incarcerates more of our citizens than any other country in the world, but 25 U.S. states incarcerate more of their citizens than America.

Unknown numbers are in the correctional system who are innocent of the crime.  As high as 230,000 people, or one-tenth of the prison population, may be innocent.  Not innocent waiting for trial, but innocent. As in "I didn't do it."

How can so many people be so wrongly accused?  The end of the book has a shining example of how this happens.

I hope you like history, because Part 4 takes you back 120 years to when Wyoming was starting out as a state.  From 1869 to 1920, Wyoming was the only political entity in the world that gave women the right to vote.  It turns out the Equality State, as it was named because of women voting and owning property, is not as equal as we may think.

A man wrongly convicted

Tricked into the deputy’s lair with a false promise of a job, a drunken confession was rung out of Tom Horn, and he never saw the light of day again.  For twenty-two months he sat in the Laramie County jail, first waiting his trial and then waiting his conviction.

Tom Horn making a horsehair lariat.

Through twists and turns, and smoke and mirrors, the prosecuting attorney wove a convincing story of Tom’s guilt, but the sad part, none of it was true.  He clouded the waters by bringing witnesses that convoluted any evidence brought up by the the defense.  By the end of the trial, after threats from the public if they let Tom Horn go, the jury found him guilty, thinking that he could appeal their decision to the supreme court and the governor.

Justice did not work so well for Tom Horn.  He testified in court that he trusted cattle more than courts.  Perhaps we should be as suspicious.

The story is complete with a woman that came forth with knowledge of the real killer, but yellow jounalism tagged her as a prostitute, the prosecutor threw her in jail for perjury, and the governor said she was making up “theories.”

If you think the justice system is just, then this book is for you.  If you are in the system, then you know what I’m talking about.  My book is meant to open eyes to see the profound impact mass incarceration is having on America’s families.  If you support the death penalty, maybe the truth about Tom Horn will change your mind.

No wonder our society has so many problems, when you consider incarceration and poverty have risen together, in tandem, over the last thirty years.

And this, my friends, is what this book is about.  The only one like it.

Click in Image to Order

Buy it today.  Hot off the Press.  Read it, enjoy it, pass it on.  Please give my book a boost and place your review on Amazon or leave your comments below.

Take the Quantum Leap into Abundance: A Guide to the Good Life

from the back cover

Abundance. What does it look like?

Is it owning a room full of gold? Laying in a field of flowers? Or perhaps living in Shangri-La.

When do you know when you have enough? Where do you find abundance in the first place?

We are told to “have a better life,” but no instructions come with that advice. We wander around blindly, without direction, looking for the path of our dreams.

Finding self-esteem, losing weight, becoming less depressed – it seems that we should naturally know how to do these things. And we feel like failures because our dreams never happen.

We are not failures. We just don’t know how to accomplish our goals.

In this book, you will find:
    • a no-nonsense approach to building a kinder self-image
    • how to build meditation and gratitude into your day
    • how people turn peak experiences into life-defining moments
    • the real-world Shangri-La where people live beyond 100 years
    • what an ancient great swordsman says about spirit and iron will
    • how to have a more satisfying life
the story behind the book

Life cannot be all about trauma and bad thoughts.  There must be a counterbalance to the negativity in our lives.  This is why I wrote this book.

Each of us has a deep reserve of strength bubbling inside of us, whether we want to believe it or not.  

Take the Quantum Leap into Abundance:  A guide to the good life is not a book that tells you to think rich and you will be rich.

Since I wrote this book in 2017, quantum leap has gained momentum.  The Secret started the rush, I believe, but my book is different from the rest.  Different because my book talks about taking the right actions that will lead you to your dreams.

We want something, but our lives do not match our desires.  We want riches, but we are in a dead-end job.  We want a good life, but we cut corners.

Sorry to disappoint, the only way you will get anything accomplished in your life is to get off the couch and take positive steps toward that accomplishment.

Here is a brief overview of what’s inside this book

Hobson’s Choice is a term for choices that we really do not make.  We take it or leave it.  After an accident or with a disability, you did not choose to be in that situation, but here you are.  Hobson’s choice.

One of my favorite people is Admiral Stockdale.  You will learn about his story, but I will give you a hint:

It is called the Stockdale paradox.

stockdale paradox

Pin this on your wall where you can look at it often.  It will help you through the rough times.

We talk about belonging and having a positive self-image.  Are you a good communicator?  Did you know listening is an art?

Have you ever heard of the “Talking Stick?” This is how many early cultures communicated in meetings.  The only person allowed to speak was the one holding the talking stick.  This would come in handy in many situations today!

the talking stick

The idea of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” is not just a phrase from the Bible. It is a way of life for many cultures.  Reciprocity.

Learn about the philosophy of life from the world’s greatest swordsman and how you can apply it to your life today.  (No sword needed.)  And I present to you a different way of meditation – I have dropped hints in other blogs.

And last but not least – a chapter on faith and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not something you do for the other person.  You forgive them so you can get on with YOUR life.  Why harbor grudges and hatred? 

Let them go.  Do not let negative people control you.  

an excerpt from the book
Come, take the Quantum Leap into Abundance
Watch your dreams come true!

a book cover with mountains and sun shining$4.99 and $12.99

 

Walking Between the Raindrops: A Treatise on Trauma.

walking between the raindrops a treatise on trauma

WHY DO WOMEN STAY IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS?

Chances are you have asked yourself this question about a friend or relative, or perhaps you even ask it of yourself.

In this book, we explore the notion that our society is based on violence. We talk about how a bad choice can permanently influence our lives, and how this knowledge is important when choosing a mate.

You will gain insight as to why we do what we do, and why we shut down when our relationships go bad.

Read about ways to resolve conflict, how to lead a successful life, and learn how to get people to like you.

The Story behind the book

An author’s first book is the baby of the bunch.  Instead of learning about parenting, a first book is where you learn the ins and outs of writing, of your writing style, and how well you can put words together.  Once you are finished, you realize it’s birth was not as bad as you anticipated, and the thrill of finishing it outweighs the struggle.  I could write a zillion books, but this first one will always be my biggest accomplishment as an author.

The book began as an idea in 2000 when I was taking a college course to become a domestic violence advocate.  There I was introduced to Gavin de Becker’s book The Gift of Fear:  Survival skills that protect us from violence.  I owe a great deal to this book.  It opened my eyes to my past that I failed to see before, and made me realize abuse takes on many different forms.

deBecker’s book will also open your eyes and help you understand why you allow strange bedfellows into your life, and how awareness of both yours and their actions will lead to healthier, and safer, relationships.

the gift of fear

A few years before this, the Violence Against Women’s Act (VAWA) was passed, and the way society treated women and children was beginning to change. With VAWA, we hoped it would be no longer necessary to live in fear of an abusive parent or mate, or of being sexually abused and not able to tell anyone about it.

Life became busy and I had my own issues to deal with, but the idea was growing in my brain.  Why do women stay in abusive relationships?

My graduate studies were geared toward finding an answer to this question:  Why do women stay in abusive relationships?

 We hoped things would change for women and children, and yes, things have changed, all right.  Just not in the positive direction we wanted.  It seems there is more domestic violence now then there was 30 years ago.buy now

In Walking Between the Raindrops:  A treatise on trauma,  we explore the origins of mistreatment of women, and believe it or not, the abuse and male privilege dates to the beginning of our Western civilization, 753 BCE, the year Rome was founded.

Read about the Rape of the Sabines here.

This has been recorded many times in Roman history.  Draw your own conclusion whether the story is fact or legend. 

Whether the story is true or not,  I hope you agree, we live in a violent society and we are paying the price.

an excerpt from the book

We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
~Aristotle~

ACCORDING TO MARTIAL ART LORE, when a warrior comes out of a battle unscathed, he is said to have “walked between the raindrops.” To march through a rainstorm of artillery, living as if death doesn’t exist, requires extreme skill and enlightenment. This image perfectly describes how someone lives with an abusive partner or parent. Children avoid the abuser by keeping them happy; spouses walk on eggshells to not upset their mate.

The entire world has strayed. Everything is all about winning. Our mentality today is “if all else fails, shoot them.” Get them before they get you. Top Dog. Whatever it takes.

In the end, life comes down to relationships, not how much money is in the bank.

Money can’t buy love.

This book is about love and relationships and treating each other fairly. It is also about abusive relationships, and the toll it takes on everyone – children, mothers, fathers, friends, and extended family.

Abuse is generational. Our mothers and grandmothers tolerated abusive husbands. We pay the price with our emotional state and how we treat our bodies. We pay the price by how others treat us, and how we treat those we love the most.

The people of this world are very tense, masking symptoms of unhappiness with alcohol and drugs. Caught up in the rat race of daily living, we have lost touch with who we are. We have forgotten our self – our Soul.

This treatise on trauma is about the long-term effects of abuse, and what we can do to heal. Trauma knows no boundaries – it affects men, women, and children, and doesn’t distinguish between economy or social status.

Abuse and violence permeate our daily lives. My book is about understanding, not about gender, and even though the focus is on women in a relationship with an abusive man, there is information here for everyone.

To resolve our trauma and prevent it in others, we need to first understand and accept our personal lot in life. Women in abusive relationships find it hard to break free.

Why can’t she walk away?

Why does she go back? If she leaves the guy she’s with she often finds another just like him.

How many times does she get slapped, beaten, and put down before she’s had enough?

Why does she stay?

Every time she gets slapped we say, “Too bad. When will she ever learn? She’s such a victim!” When we look at the heart of the matter, when we view the situation through the woman’s lens, there is a different picture. Here is the chance to open our eyes to the real reasons women stay in their abusive relationships, day after day, year after year.

Pure stubbornness, resilience, love, loyalty – the kids.

how we react to trauma

Society: Institutions, agencies, and individuals. These entities contribute to family dysfunction. Well-meaning gestures often make the family situation worse.

Abuse: Overpowering, misuse of, or taking advantage of a human, substance, or object.

Abusers are abusers in all levels of society. The bully doesn’t just bully one little child on the playground. He bullies everyone around him. The playground and the family are the training grounds for bullies. Here children learn what works and what doesn’t, perfecting manipulating behaviors through trial and error.

Here they practice the behavior that gets their victims to grovel at their feet, to hang their heads in shame. Bullies learn how to make things go their way, not through kindness and compassion, but with meanness and manipulations.

We encounter abusers in our everyday life. The police officer with power too big for his head. The politician manipulates the system to fit his personal agenda. The neighbor. The boss.

It needs to be said. We are all abusers, in some form or another.

How did we become so immune to other people’s feelings? How did we lose respect for another human being’s values? When did we stop contributing to one another’s happiness?

kind

If one person, or one family, can heal from their trauma, this book has met its goal. If one individual begins the change, another will follow, and soon there will be a Revolution. A Revolution of treating one another with kindness and respect.

In the next pages, we will look at a different point of view about abuse. You will see how childhood perceptions control our choices as adults and how these perceptions also affect how we deal with bullies, bosses, and husbands.

We have lost touch with our nurturing natures. We make wrong decisions, pick incompatible mates, and rule our lives with fear.

The solution is not hopeless. We are not helpless to change it. Once we understand why we do what we do, this cycle of abuse can end.

 

With me. With you.

sarah ban brethnach

walking between the raindrops, a treatise on trauma

$4.99 and $12.99

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Seven Summers of Stalking: The #1 Crime Against Women

 Book cover of woman looking at stalker

ARE YOU A VICTIM OF A STALKER?

Stalking Defined

Does someone repeatedly –

1. Call you with unwanted phone calls
2. Send you unsolicited or unwanted letters or e-mails
3. Follow or spy on you
4. Show up at places where you are without a legitimate reason
5. Wait for you at places where you will be
6. Leave unwanted items, presents, or flowers
7. Post information or spread rumors about you on the internet, in a public place, or by word of mouth
8. Threaten to kill, or does kill, your pet

Do these actions cause you a great deal of fear?

This is the definition of stalking by the Department of Justice. 

You are being stalked if you can answer yes to two or more of these and say they happen on a repeated and regular basis. 

You are most definitely not alone!

This is a crime that goes unnoticed until someone gets seriously hurt, if even then.  The victim tells family, friends, and law enforcement there is a stalker in their midst, but the pleas are ignored.  A stalker can appear in your life at any time, either over the internet or physically, or both, and like 7.5 million Americans who report stalking every year, your life will be turned upside down.

the story behind the book

“It is impossible to describe the taste of blowfish
to one who has never eaten it.”

This saying certainly applies to the feeling when stalked. “It is impossible to describe the feeling of stalking to one who has never experienced it.”

blowfish

In Seven Summers of Stalking: The #1 crime against women, my goal is to describe to the reader the personal and financial devastation that comes as a result of being stalked, what a stalker looks like, and what we, as a society can do about it.

This is not your regular horror story of an intimate or partner stalker. My stalkers are professional, they obviously have stalked before, and there is nothing “intimate” about them.  Yes, there is more than one.  They couldn’t have pulled it off otherwise!

Stalkers are grown-up bullies that have their act figured out to perfection.

The lead stalker was elected to an insignificant political position in my small backwoods rural community.  This made him think he was a big fish and had a free pass to act above the law. The story, in a nutshell, consists of a road that had been public for one-hundred years, and he decided to take it for himself.

Instead of going through the proper process, knowing the only way he could get that road was to scam it, this is what he did. He had enough people in high places that helped him “acquire” his road, including a judge.

Unfortunately, the road lies between him and me – in more ways than just physical. Of course, as any good citizen would do, I protested his stealing of the road, and the fight was on. It was time to purge the world of me, and short of murder, that is exactly what he set out to do.

It is amazing how someone can lie to the cops, repeatedly file false reports, take their lying witnesses to the judge, and people believe them.  Gossip and lies about someone spread like wildfire – and in a small town it takes about an hour for everyone to know.

He used me as a coverup for his collusion.  Smoke and mirrors.  “Mind your own business or I’m calling the cops!” I mind my own business and he calls the cops, anyway!  He has himself convinced I sit in my house day after day plotting ways to ruin him.  

In this dog-eat-dog world, the biggest dog gets the bone, and that is exactly what he did.

I would tell the judge these people were stalking me and setting me up, that if he would tell them to leave me alone I would not keep showing up in his courtroom, but I found out the hard way.

Justice is blind.

blind justice

And maybe deaf, too, because the judge sure did not hear me when I spoke.

Well, my stalkers loved it. They had a judge that encouraged them to continue with their lies and collusion.

A sociopath is someone who is charismatic, everyone likes him, you wouldn’t think he would be up to the things he does. But he hides his misdeeds through his charms. And people believe him.

The majority of stalkers, though are male intimate partners.  Woman can be just as vindictive and mean, but here we talk about men, because of the seriousness and danger of their stalking 

 The most dangerous time for a woman is immediately after she leaves.  She walked out on him because he was horribly abusive, and now he turns up the heat even more.  She thought it was bad before, well look at him now!

Domestic violence affects the entire family.  Not just the mom and kids, but the extended family, and close friends.  The happiness in holidays can quickly turn to drama, depending on whether every one is in a good mood or not.  Life is running along smoothly, and from seemingly out of the blue, tempers flare.

The relationship is over in her mind, but he still hangs on.  He will do whatever it takes to save face – to not look bad in front of his friends and family.  But unknown to him, his explosive temper has been a concern for everyone for some time, and he would do better to calm down and let her go.  But no, he becomes even more abusive and makes her life a living hell.

an excerpt from the book

The Impact on the Family

When a child dies before the parents die, the parents suffer greatly. The second greatest suffering is watching your daughter live in an abusive relationship and that is all you can do – watch.

Whatever you do makes the situation worse, and one day you realize everyone is better off if you step away as far as you can. One hand on the phone, ready to call the police, the other hand pulling in the children to give them comfort – once again.

Watching and waiting is agonizing. The mother waits for two things: “Mom, come get me.” “Mom, he hurt me.” The mother is worried. He is mean and out of control. Her daughter and the children are in danger. She is afraid that the final call will not be from her daughter, but from the police, bringing the news her daughter is dead.

One day, hopefully before the “he-hurt-me” call, the daughter will call for help to get out – for the last time. She has made her resolution, she cannot tolerate the abuse any longer. The mother sighs with relief and does everything she can to help her daughter get back on her feet; tenuously waiting for her to change her mind and go back – once again.

This cycle continues until one day the daughter decides it is over. Or is it? She decides to leave, but her man is still hanging around, and the contacts create fear. It is time to end this, but he cannot let go.

After the divorce and the drama are ended, the woman wonders what took her so long. Why did she not get out years ago? How could she be so blind to fall for such a man in the first place? She swears she is done with men.

Children are in the middle of this violence, torn between their parents, trying to decide who is right and who is wrong, lost between two adults who are shattering their lives. If their mother moves away from the stalker, this also has repercussions on them; leaving home, school and friends, and starting a new life elsewhere – often repeatedly moving to avoid the stalker that follows them.

Psychological angst produces stress in a dose-response manner. The higher the dose, the more intense the response. Stalking is a crime that covers years of worry and anxiety. Victims of stalkers have elevated levels of mental distress. Three-quarters of the women who have an intimate relationship with their stalker meet the criteria for PTSD.

Socioeconomic factors contribute to family violence. Poverty fosters incarceration. Or is poverty a result of incarceration? This is a chicken-and-egg conundrum. Children do not learn strong social skills in an impoverished environment, whether economically or emotionally.  Lack of social skills often leads to incarceration.   And so the cycle continues… 

 

stop stalking

READ NOW! THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE, UP-TO-DATE REPORT ON STALKING, THE CRIME THAT GOES UNNOTICED BY POLICE AND JUDGES. THE #1 CRIME THAT CAUSES GREAT FEAR AND HARM TO MILLIONS OF AMERICANS EVERY YEAR.

Click HERE to read more.

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