Beat a Bully Without a Fight

Quiet Talks ~ My Daily Inspiration


What do you do when you first wake up?

If you reach for your phone first thing, then this challenge is for you.

If you want to change a habit, replace it with something “instead of.”

Instead of your phone, try this for 30 days:



Are you having a tough time?  Is your world falling apart piece by piece?

A lot is going on these days.  Everyone seems to struggle with one thing or another.   Some days it seems life will never get back on track.

Through all the difficult times, there is still some good to be found.

Try to imagine the alternative. 

Fewer struggles, a little bit of peace.

And that is what inspired this book.

The most difficult year of my life.  They say difficulty forges a strong spirit, and goodness is hidden in trying times.  Well, whatever the reason for going through this, guidance was sorely needed, so I turned to three books, started a journal, and wrote down the passage I read for that day.

Along the way, I realized the wisdom in these pages could help others, too.  So, I typed out what I had written, put it between this lovely cover, and here you have my sixth published book.

A compilation of inspiring quotes from the Bible, the Tao Teh Ching, Buddha, and others.



Why settle for pain and misery, when you can finally have some peace?  Life changes on the inside before it changes on the outside. 

Looking at life from a different perspective than what you have now will change you – both from the inside and the out.

Let this be the year you can finally get your life on track.  Buy this book of wisdom and inspiration.

It is a book of quotes, but unlike any other book you’ve read.  You will find such quotes as one of my favorites:

An appropriate wish for today’s world, wouldn’t you say?



(Sorry, no pictures in the book.  Not a bad idea, though…  And also no e-book.  That would defeat the purpose of staying off your phone!!)

The books I used in my search for peace are well worn and well loved.  Each has been in my library for years.  I refer to them frequently, and when I was going through this worst year of my life, I read them every day.

The theme that runs through this book is to listen to your inner voice.  This voice speaks to your passion; your true desires.  Your intuition helps you make the right decisions – if you listen to it.

It is astonishing that what was true at the beginning of mankind are the same truths today.   Universal truths, truths that cannot be disputed or changed.

The three great teachers, Buddha, Jesus, and Lao Tzu, who lived centuries and worlds apart, all gave us the same advice for a happy and successful life.

Give thanks, have faith without doubt, and believe anything is possible.  Oh, yes, of course, the Biggy … love one another.

Easy to do, right?  Right.




Here are the three books I used in my search for enlightenment.


Quiet Talks with the Master
Quiet Talks with the Master

Quiet Talks with the Master by Eva Bell Werber 

As you can see from the frayed edges, it is well read.  I picked it up in a used bookstore years ago, and the wisdom within this book has sustained me countless times.

Eva Bell Werber was born in 1888 and published her book in 1935 – one of several books where she recorded her meditations with the Master.

Tao Teh Ching by Lao Tzu, translated by John Wu 

Tao Teh Ching
Tao Teh Ching

The literal translation is “The Way and its Power.”  The WAY is the path we travel in this life.  Taoism (The “T” is pronounced with a “D” sound) is the one most ancient of philosophies of how to live a virtuous and upstanding life.  Practical advice that is as good today as it was in 6th century BCE when Lao Tzu wrote it.

The Bible

The Bible

Many of the passages in “Quiet Talks – My Daily Inspiration” are taken from Psalm, the song of David.  King David lamented about his enemies, and how they would be conquered.  We all have enemies, and you will find some practical advice on how to deal with them.  The Bible is one of the most read books ever printed, but sometimes it is difficult to sift through the rhetoric and find what you are looking for, so I sifted it out for you.


This is a book of spirituality, not religion.  This is profound wisdom about right living, getting along with others, and trusting the power within you.

Advice we could all heed in this day and age.


This is how to best benefit from the book

Take a moment of silence, consider your question or problem, clear your mind, and when ready, open to the page where your fingers lead you.

Think about what you read for a moment and how it pertains to your life.  You will be amazed how answers start popping out at you.

Practice makes perfect

If you do something every day it becomes a habit – helpful habits like positive affirmations will, indeed, produce positive results.  One day you will notice you are more receptive to your inner voice.  You will discover that when you argue with this voice, the thought comes back as “I should have listened.”

With daily practice, and the belief that you are one with the Universe and you are tapping into this great Intelligence, you will find your life manifesting in ways you always dreamed of – or better.

We all have heard it.  Think positive thoughts and positive things will happen to you.

So we force positive thoughts, and nothing happens.  That’s because we are trying to drive the bus.  Trying to make life go the way we want it to.  Letting our egos rule – or as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “Edging God Out.”  EGO.

Quiet Talks – My Daily Inspiration will help you find that mindset – if you give it a chance.  A month.  Read a passage every day for 30 days and see how you feel.  See what has changed.

Take the challenge.  Buy the book. 
Let me know how it goes.

What can it hurt? Take the challenge. 30 seconds of your first waking moments. 

All it takes is 30 seconds to start your day off on a positive spin.  Try it, give it a chance.  30 seconds for 30 days.  A piece of cake.


I am positive you will see positive results.

Give it a try.  For only $10, what can you lose?

This offer wouldn’t be complete without something special to go with it.

Bonus #1:  You cannot buy it, it cannot be given to you.  Your peace of mind will come.  It’s been a year since I started reading daily inspirations, and what a difference in my state of mind!  You do not have to “Think” yourself to be grateful, purposeful, useful.  Read a passage daily and your mind will do the rest.

Bonus #2:  Subtle changes.  You stop talking put-downs to yourself because you are priceless, and you have finally accepted it.  You are kinder to others because a smile is easier than a frown.

Bonus #3:  Worry much, do you?  Once you realize you can only take care of today, and today you are being taken care of, you will see your worry is a waste of time.  Life is too short to worry!

Bonus #4:  Take the Quantum Leap into Abundance – A Guide to the Good Life.

click here to get your e-book


Here you will find:

    • A no-nonsense approach to building a kinder self-image
    • How to build meditation and gratitude into your day
    • How people turn peak experiences into life-defining moments
    • the real-world Shangri-La where people live beyond the age of 100
    • What an ancient great swordsman says about spirit and iron will
    • How to live a satisfying life

Come, take the Quantum Leap.

Get your e-book here.  Only $2.99.


May you find peace

c.w. Pickett




Beat A Bully Without a Fight

beat a bully



160,000 American Children Stay Home from School Each Day to Avoid Their Bully

from the back cover

There is much talk and many books about the subject, but it seems bullying in schools is getting worse, instead of better.

Beat a Bully Without a Fight is about preventing bullying, and how parents can help their child overcome the devastation of being bullied that can lead to depression, ostracism, and now

Rather than punishing children for not getting along, the author makes a great case for teaching both the bully and the bullied to resolve conflict peaceably.

The secret is solving the conflict when the problem is small.

Many of us, not just children, are subjected to bullies, and we have suffered because if it.  After seven long years of dealing with her own bullies, the author brings perspective and understanding of this serious state of affairs that plagues our society and dominates so many lives.

the story behind the book


Why? you ask. Why do I write books about bullying and stalking? Why not write about something pleasant, like a juicy romance novel or a self-help book on sewing?

Sometimes ideas appear and continue to nag at you until you do something with them.  So this is why I write on these topics: 

      1. Because the issues are pressing and will not leave my brain
      2. To give my readers a different perspective on why we do what we do

It needs to be said.  And continued to be said until we figure out violence is not the answer, and that we must take proactive measures to prevent it.

Even though these are negative-sounding topics, there is much good that can come out of examining the brutal reality of our existence. 

You might say the ideas for writing books on bullying and stalking just “appeared.” While researching the contemptable situation of America’s unjust justice system (!), the subject of stalking kept rising to the top. The numbers were huge – too huge to ignore.

And right alongside this data are numbers on bullying.  Why are so many children staying home from schools to avoid their bully?

I believe anyone reading this has been bullied at some time in your life.  Be glad if you have never had the “pleasure.”  There is always someone bigger and stronger than we are, someone that will take whatever means possible to get their way.

I also believe we are this way because we have been conditioned to “take it.”  The older generations were taught to respect authority, no matter what.  And while they were doing the respecting, “authority” took advantage of that and used it against us. 

And now, no one seems to know who to respect.

Our “turn the other cheek ” mentality does not work when it comes to bullying.

If you see someone bullied, and do or say nothing about it, you are just as big a bully as the bully.  By proxy, so to speak.

To stand up and speak out could mean you will be ostracized and put down.  Why would you want to do that?  After all, you have a life, a family.  Why rock the boat?  This thinking works well – until it happens to you.

Beat a Bully without a Fight:  Advice for Parents talks about managing emotions and using “I” statements.  Something most of us could learn to do better.  

Did you know children who are “different’ (color, disability, sexual orientation) are two to three times more likely to be bullied than those who are not?kids with disabilities are just kidsOf the 160,000 children that stay home each day, where are they getting their education?  How many children go to school and face their bully because staying home is not an option?

What are we teaching our future generations?

an excerpt from the book

Managing and resolving conflict are skills everyone can use. Unfortunately, this is not usually taught in our schools. When a bully and the bullied are disciplined in school, they are reprimanded and sent to detention. This is a perfect time for educators to teach both of them how to solve their problems. Counselling, instead of detention.

When we deal with these behaviors with punishment, we only nurture more hatred and resentment.

Judging from the vast number of children that stay home from school, the school bullying programs are not doing a very good job in thwarting this epidemic. And indeed, a report by McCallion & Fedor (2013), show that school bullying programs decrease bullying by only 25%.

A child is a captive audience when he is in trouble. He is willing to do whatever he can to get off the hook.

Rather than mete out punishment, what if both the bullied and bully were offered counseling and taught assertiveness skills?

This would give them the opportunity to discuss the difficulties they are having with each other, and after a few sessions of individual counseling, the two could come together to discuss their differences.


Labeling emotions is an important skill. Douglas Noll, in his book,

De-escalate. How to calm an angry person in 90 seconds or less, lists the five emotions that rule us.

1. Anger
2. Fear
3. Anxiety
4. Disgust
5. Grief/Shame/Humiliation
6. Abandoned/unloved

He uses this tier for labeling emotions in his counseling classes for inmates in California prisons, called Prisons for Peace. The trick is identifying the emotion and labeling it. Once you know how you are feeling, you can understand why you feel this way.

The first emotion to present is anger, but if you dig deeper, you will identify the others, perhaps all of them. As you go down the tier, each emotion amplifies the ones above it. Feelings of abandonment will affect every other aspect of your life.

Once you can label your emotions, you can label them in others. Noll advises watching a 30-second TV commercial and see how many emotions you can identify. With a little bit of practice, you will be able to read other people’s emotions and label them, for your own use, not to throw back in their face.

Remember, this is conflict resolution – reaching an understanding.

anger management

When approached by a difficult and angry person, do this:

1. Ignore the words
2. Guess at and reflect back the emotions.

Here is an example of how this works between parent and child:

P: You hit your little brother?
C: Because he was bothering me.
P: You were annoyed and frustrated.
C: He wouldn’t quit bothering me.
P: You were angry and annoyed.
C: Yeah, I wanted to be left alone!
P: You feel disrespected and not listened to.
C: Yeah!

Notice there is no deep soul-searching conversation about why the sister feels this way. The idea is to identify the emotion the child is feeling so she can bring it out in the open and acknowledge it.

Without putting the onus on anyone, the child is appeased and understood. How many times do we become frustrated because we cannot get our point across, no matter how hard we try? The person listening just doesn’t get it. They are so wrapped up in their own world view, they fail to even try to understand yours.


boy pulling on kid who is cryingWill you join me?  

Stop the violence in our cities and schools.  In the nation.  In the world. 

All it takes is a smile and a kind word.

STOP IT when you SEE IT!

We must all do our parts and stand up for ANYONE who is getting picked on, tormented, chided, made fun of, whether child or adult, male or female.

We must all do our parts and check our own judgemental ways.

With each smile and kind word, we can build a BRAVE NEW WORLD, a world without violence.  A world where children do not stay home from school to avoid their bully.




beat a bully


A Mother’s Loving Tribute to Her Children

Usually Mother’s Day is about the moms of the world, thanking them for the great job they have done for you and telling them how you appreciate them.

This post is about a mom appreciating the children of the world.

Here’s a thought.  We are all somebody’s child.  We all began as a twinkle in someone’s eye, a thought, a desire, and one day, we emerged as this happy little bundle of joy!

well, most of us.  Some mothers weren’t made to be moms.  Some of us grew up wondering if our mom really did love us.  As time went on, and the detachment grew, resentment of our mothers also grew, until one day…  Although deep down inside we really do love this woman that brought us into the world, it is easy to hide in discomfort and disdain.

When you hate someone, the only person who is affected is you.  Sure, the person you hate may feel sad and left out because you have nothing to do with them, but in reality, the hate grows in you, not in them.

Love the person that made you – you.  The person who gave you a place in this world. A world where you wouldn’t exist without your mother.  To hate your mom is to hate yourself.

To love your mom is to appreciate her for the life you have today.  You wouldn’t be you, you wouldn’t have the sorrows and joys you experience today without one person.  Your mother.  Yes, fathers also play an equally important role in our existence on this earth, but since this is a Mother’s Day tribute, we will talk about our moms.

"If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty."

These are the first four lines of the poem, “Children Learn What They Live” by Dorothy Law Nolte written in 1954.  Her words ring as true today and they did 70 years ago.  If you were criticized, treated with hostility, ridiculed or shamed as a child, chances are you have become critical, hostile, shy and guilty as an adult.  And who do we blame for these feelings but our mother.

Mothers are usually a child’s primary caregiver from birth through the formative years.  Children learn how to attach, how to interact with others, and how they feel about themselves, because of their first human contact – mothers.

If she lacks parenting skills, if she lacks the ability to love and nurture, children learn to cope on their own. Children who are left to their own means grow up looking for love in all the wrong places.  Wrong places, like bad intimate relationships and questionable friends.  Resentment grows because mom didn’t give them what they needed:  Love and security.

When you look on your mother’s life when she was a child, most of the time her coldness toward you is easily explained.  Women who are sexually abused have a difficult time attaching to their children.  Women abandoned by their moms abandon their children. It is expecting too much to expect a woman to be a perfect mom when she battled a lack of love and care from her mother.

If women who had difficulties in their childhood did not have children, the world would not be so overpopulated today with messed-up people.  Up until now, we did not understand how abuse passed on from generation to generation.  Abuse is not generational with just behaviors, but it is imbedded in the DNA and genes.  If you have a history of slavery in your past, then there are traces of that slavery in your body.  were your great-grandparents, or grandparents massacred?  Did they witness a horribly traumatizing event?  Those memories lie in your genetic make up.

There is a lot said for being barefoot and pregnant.  Don’t upset the mother because you will upset the baby.  Keep mom stress-free as much as possible so the baby will be happy and healthy.  It is not an old wives’ tale that a fussy mom will give birth to a fussy baby.  Now we know scientifically that if a mom has high cortisol levels when she is pregnant, the baby has higher-than-normal cortisol levels. Higher cortisol levels in the fetus means an enlarged hippocampus, which is the emotional control center of the brain.  The part of the brain that registers condemnation, anger, shyness and guilt.

If you feel these things, don’t be mad at your mom.  It is what it is.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not excusing the behaviors of drug addiction or alcoholism, and I am certainly not excusing the woman who left you.  What I am saying is she had no business getting pregnant and having you, but she did, and her behaviors are not 100%-percent her choices.

Forgiveness is divine.  You’ve heard it before.  Forgiveness is not for the other person, but for you.  To forgive means to let go of your hurt and shame.  To forgive does not mean absolving the other for the wrong committed to you.

There is no such thing as a perfect mother.  She is human and she makes mistakes.  Some of those mistakes made you homeless, angry and afraid.  She might have brought bad men into your life, men that abused you.

If you have children of your own, do not repeat her mistakes.  Learn about your mother’s past, how generational oppression has affected you.  Acknowledge and accept.  If you can’t tell her you love her, at least thank her for bringing you into this world and making you the strong, resilient person you are today.

There is more to the poem:

If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to have confidence.

If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship -

he learns love is in the world.

Teach your children well.  Treat your children well.  Try not to make the same mistakes your mother made.

Forgive your mother.  She did her best, even if you don’t think so.  Maybe you do better, maybe you don’t.  Your child will be the judge of that.

If you set a good example and show your children respect and forgiveness, they will respect and forgive you.  You raise these little bundles of joy with the hopes they will bring you joy for the rest of your life.  They look to you for guidance.  How you treat your mother is how they will treat you.  These little devils watch everything you do.  They soak up everything you say like a sponge.  They store all these impressions in these busy little minds of theirs, and one day, those impression emerge in their relationship with you.

Love and acceptance is also generational.  If you want a better world for your kids, you have to show them by example how to have a better world.  Families are forever.  If they are fragmented and dysfunctional, that dysfunction is passed on to the next generation.  If family members treat one another with love and respect, that too, is passed down to the next generation.

How do you want your children to treat you?  Will you want them in your life when they become adults?  Do you want family gatherings where everyone is genuinely fond of one another and not merely tolerant because all present is only being polite for a day or two?

No one is perfect, and neither are you.  If you cannot accept the person that gave you life, you are not very accepting of yourself.  Show your gratitude for the people who love you, your mothers, your children.  Never forget.  You teach them how to treat you. How do you want to be treated?  With criticism and hostility?  Or with acceptance and friendship.

The choice is yours.  It should not be too hard of  a decision….

If you like this post, I would love to read your comments.  How do you feel about Mother’s Day?

Peace and happiness,


Start an Online Business from Home for FREE

Are you feeling stuck?

Stuck in a job you hate.  Day to day, the same boring stuff.  

The Gallup Polls take a yearly inventory of job satisfaction, and reports that 85% of workers WORLDWIDE hate their jobs, and especially their boss.

So if you are stuck in a job you hate, you have A LOT of company.  Does knowing everyone else is in the same boat as you make you feel any better?

Would it give you hope if you knew there was a way out of your struggle?  Would it give you hope if I told you that you could get out of your rut with hard work and perseverance (the ingredients for success)?

What if one day you could be working at the job you love instead of the one you hate?

The way to move out of your miserable life is to start planning for change now.  If you do something positive every day toward your goal of more income and a happier life, dedicate your time, and put in some extra work, you will get out of the rut you are in.

You say you are too busy?  You cannot fit in another job?  I hear you on that!

I am offering you an idea for a work-at-home job where you could spend one day a week and costs you not one penny!

Sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it?  Let me introduce you to the best online web building training in the business.  If you put in the time and effort – patience – you can join other people who are enjoying a life of their dreams.

Start an online business from home for free.
Struggling families,
looking for a way to make ends meet?

This might be your answer. 

If you are willing to put in the time and effort, put on your learning cap, and commit to doing what it takes to become a success, starting your online business may just be what you are looking for! 

You can start your online business by signing up for the free membership at Wealthy Affiliate.  You have a chance to give the platform a try, and you can stay free for as long as you like.  You have two websites at your disposal, plus a great opportunity for training on website building.

There is absolutely no pressure to move on to the Premium Membership, but once you see the value you get at a very low price, you might be sold.

If you are wanting to make some extra income online, but don’t know how to go about it, here is your answer.

don’t be fooled.

I can tell you from experience, you will be told all you need is a domain name and a free website – for less than $20, you too, can be the proud owner of a website.  You see this advice from affiliate marketing gurus and people who want to promote your books. 

“All you need is a website!”

Do not, I repeat DO NOT, spend any more time or money chasing your cyber-dream with another website builder.

You need much more than a website.  You need the SEO tools, the place you will write your blogs, and all the background work that makes a website run.

You need training on building a website and how to get on Google’s first page.

You cannot get all this with a $20 investment.  You need a little more…

how to get unstuck

Wealthy Affiliate is more than a website builder – it is a university – an internet marketing university.

What this means is that after you complete a series of lessons on building websites and affiliate marketing, you will receive a certification of completion.  There are a number of things you can do with your certification:

      1. You can advertise with other business to help them build a professional and beautiful website.
      2. If you are an aspiring author, artist or photographer, you can showcase your talents.
      3. If you are struggling with making ends meet and want to do something you LOVE to make extra money, give affiliate marketing a try.

makes you want to cry

Affiliate marketing takes patience

Affiliate marketing is a tried and proven way to make money online.  Do not quit your day job just yet, but if you have an extra 5 to 10 hours a week that you can donate to building your own business, then over time, and by following the instructions in the courses step-by-step, you will begin to make money from your website.

Wealthy Affiliate has 1.28 million members and counting, and the ones who have stayed the longest are making the most money.  Once their website was up and running, they were up and running to the bank.  Each will tell you, though, it took years, not months, to get where they are today.

By the end of the first year, by doing everything outlined in the training, income should start trickling in from sales.  As your site begins to generate more traffic, this trickle will turn into a snowball.

how do i get paid from an online business?

With affiliate marketing, you sign up with companies as an affiliate.  This gives you the right to advertise their products using a link specifically assigned to you.  When someone comes to your website and clicks on that product, the seller records that click.  Whether they decide to purchase the item off your website, or someone else’s, the credit goes to you because you are the first click in their series of shopping.

(And just so you know, by clicking on any of the affiliate links on this site, I will also receive a commission from your sales.  I appreciate your business.)

The company pays your commissions to your account, and that is all there is to it.

But there is a stipulation

nothing worthwhile is easy, and anything worth striving for takes time.

This is definitely true with affiliate marketing.

what you get when you join wealthy affiliate

At Wealthy Affiliate you have all the tools you need at your fingertips:

Here is a brief overview of some of these offerings, just to give you an idea of what you are getting when you sign up.

  • Online Entrepreneur Certification – Find your niche for affiliate marketing
  • Affiliate Bootcamp – Specifically for marketing Wealthy Affiliate
  • Training courses, step-by-step – follow the instructions, do the work, and in no time you will have a website you can be proud of.
  • Weekly classes and 100’s of hours of replays – as a Premium Member, you have access to a weekly live webinar that will teach you about the latest tips and tricks on writing content, search engine optimization, how to get your website recognized by Google, and others.

make money

web building platforms:
  • Website performance tools.  As a Premium Member, you have access to 25 free websites, aka,  These free sites are handy, you can test  themes and plug-ins or build an experimental site before you move it to a public domain.   This gives you great latitude to make mistakes and find your way around building a website without worry.

As a Starter Member, you will be building your website on the domain.  You can build up to TWO free websites as a Starter.

site rubix

  • Keyword research tool.  Keywords are the drivers that bring you traffic.  Without great keywords, you will miss being placed on the first page of Google.  JAXXY is an excellent tool for finding keywords that bring traffic to your website.  Follow along with the lessons, and you will learn how to write blogs that target keywords people frequently search.
jaxxy keyword search tool
Jaxxy Keyword Search: Click here to learn more


  • The hosting platform.  Everything you need to host your site is at Wealthy Affiliate – at no extra cost to you.  Many hosting sites charge extra for plugins, security certificates, site speed, and all the other behind-the-scenes workings of keeping a website running.  All you have to do is post quality content on your quality website and let the headaches belong to the support staff.

Before joining Wealthy Affiliate, I avoided WordPress as a blog platform because of all the scary stories about it.  It is complicated, the learning curve is huge, and there are too many plugins.  

Well, Wealthy Affiliate changed that thinking!

By taking the training, step-by-step, you will find WordPress isn’t so complicated after all.  It takes getting used to, but the beauty of it is you can immediately start blogging.  If you can write in Word, you can blog in WordPress.


All successful people have networks, a community of supporters that keep them on track and motivated.

Wealthy Affiliate is no different.  The support here far surpasses any other website-building community.  This is a global community with members from around the world. 

Here is a word from Kyle, one of the founders of WA:

Kyle's reply


    • 1.28 million members and counting.  With those many people happy with their product, and a large majority making good money off their websites, this is a true indication that Wealthy Affiliate works!
    • Support.  Live chat, Site Support, Q&A.  If you have a question, it won’t take long to get an answer.  Get stuck, need help?  There are plenty of resources at your fingertips at any time of day or night.
    • Personal mentoring.  You can ask any member at WA a question through private messaging.  
    • The Ambassadorship Program.  After you have been at Wealthy Affiliate a while, and rise up the ranks, you will become an ambassador for other members.  Ambassadors are ready to help out a click of a button to help you in any way.  Are you discouraged and don’t know if you can go on?  Are you stuck with your website and do not know what to do next?  Do you have a problem with motivation?  The Ambassadors will mentor you and help you along the way.

This image shows the reach of this website,  As you can see, it is broadcast around the world.
 okay, what is this going to cost?

You would think, with all these great features, joining Wealthy Affiliate would break your bank.  Well, it won’t.  According to Kyle, the fees have not risen since 2005 when the company was first founded.

First of all, it won’t cost you anything.  Free means Free.  Stay with the Starter Membership as long as you like.

      1. You sign up for free, no credit card required. 
      2. You have seven days to look over the program and decide if you want to try out the first month for $19. 
      3. By the end of the month, you will experience the great community and support, the can-do attitude of the members, and have your website set up.

Here is a breakdown of the fees you would pay after your first month as Premium Member.

wealthy affiliate rates

Even if you cannot afford the 6-month or yearly lump-sum fees, which give you a greatly reduced rate, the $49 a month is well worth the investment.  You are investing in your future with the potential for an amazing income.

Think about what you are getting.  You cannot find a better deal anywhere on the internet.  Most of the people at Wealthy Affiliate have been through all the scams and infomercials and shiny objects that attract us so.  The internet is full of advice on how to make money on the internet, but nothing compares to the training you will receive at WA.

what kind of money can I make?

Your dedication and hard work – and patience – are the ingredients for success.  You already have the tools for a professional website, now you need motivation and excitement to get you through the tough spots.

Building a business is not easy.  If you open a brick and mortar store, do not expect much of a profit in the first five years.   The same is true with an internet business.  You have to give it time to grow.

Having your own business is a touch-and-go operation.  Some days are encouraging and uplifting, and other days you feel like throwing in the towel.

The people in the community at Wealthy Affiliate will keep you motivated and so will their success stories. 

Here are two testimonials from Wealthy Affiliate members.

This man translated the course material into Mandarin.  He has put a ton of work into his website, and this is his latest report:

100k in 4 hours


If that doesn’t impress you, try this one:

website sold for $30,000

If you are not convinced yet about the opportunity for online marketing, there are about 3.2 billion people who currently use the internet worldwide.  And those numbers are growing, as you can see in Southeast Asia alone:

Southeast Asia is the fasting growing internet market

There is plenty of opportunity for internet marketing and Wealthy Affiliate is the best place to begin. Give it a try and see for yourself. You have nothing to lose – and a fortune to gain…

If you hang around successful people,
you can’t help but have their success rub off on you.

Become a successful online affiliate marketer.
You will be glad you did.


this little square can change your life today wealthy affiliate advertisement


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Seven Infallible Techniques to Relieve Stress

doctor smiling holding a syringe

We are living in stressful times.

Our lives, as we knew it, changed in three short days.  Overnight we became confined to our homes, the stores became empty, and we were in fear of getting sick.

And now, we are finding ourselves with challenges and stressors as a result of that shut-down, which perhaps on some days the challenges seem too much to bear.  We lost time and money, it was a rough two years, and the immediate future doesn’t look much better.

What is your make-up?  How do you handle stress?  This post examines how we react to stress, and then offers seven proven-to-work techniques to help manage that stress.

Signs of stress, and what to do about them.  stress monster

We are a social animal.  We love being around others.  We strive for hugs and being cared for.  We look for variety in our day to keep us afloat – mentally, physically, and economically.  We love our family, but some days, we might push boundaries and expectations a little too far.

Those boundaries are being crossed every day now, simply because our lifestyle changed overnight from one of severe busy to one of worry.  You can see it in the way people treat one another.  In the way many people seem to have given up.

Rather than falling apart, turning to drugs and alcohol, or fighting with your spouse, there are better ways to cope with these stressful times.

But first, recognize the signs of stress.  Listen to your body, step back and watch yourself reacting to others.  What does this look like?

let the stress begin

Common signs of stress:

Headaches, chronic pain, vague pain, prone to illness, low energy, little sleep, stomach problems, depression.

Any or all of these make you irritable and edgy.  Add a houseful of kids that cannot contain their energy, and these feelings are just made worse.  Ready to scream yet?

There is more to the stress response than just pain, lack of sleep and depression – if that isn’t enough.  Do you show any of these symptoms?

Eight signs you are under stress:

  1. Easy to anger.  Irritable.  Quick to snap at others.
  2. Feelings of hopelessness.  You worry about having enough food and supplies for any lengthy siege, and you are uncertain about the future.  The experts predict economical doom and gloom.  Fear of the unknown escalates, and we feel hopeless and helpless.
  3. Trouble making decisions.  Does your brain feel fuzzy, you are not thinking as clearly as you would like, and you find yourself making stupid mistakes?  Do not be too hard on yourself.  This is your brain responding to the stress.  The first part of our brain that shuts down in a stressful situation is our frontal cortex – decision central.  Of course, you cannot make good decisions, you are not physically capable of doing so.
  4. Unexpected crying.  Sadness, anger, perhaps some desperation in the mix.  Life may have been perfect for you, and suddenly it is not.  Or, Life was not perfect before, and the added stress make things worse.  Either way, you are experiencing loss.  What do people do when they grieve?  They cry.
  5. Worry.  Worry is an act of futility.  We worry about the unknown.  Humans are great at looking at the worst-case scenario.  Perhaps it is a means of survival, expecting the worst.  But worry is wasted energy.  Lack of control of a situation causes us to worry.  If things were running smoothy, we would not worry. the effects of stress
  6. Arguing.  Irritable, stressed, frustrated, a little depressed.   Closed in with too many people.  Your days have shut down, you have cabin fever.  Noise bothers you.  This is when we take our feelings out on others.  Fighting with your spouse, yelling at the kids, letting off steam – at the expense of others around you.
  7. Eating.  Some people eat too much, others eat too little.  Like sleep, eating is a response to stress.  When cortisol levels are high, we crave sugar to bring them down.  Have you noticed that when you are stressed you head for the kitchen?  Grab a handful of candy, anything sweet.  There is nothing wrong with your will power.  It is your body craving a sugar high to calm the cortisol coursing through your system.
  8. Sleeping.  Too much or too little. It has hard to sleep when your mind is racing, you are angry, sad, and worried – how will you make it through this?  These are real concerns, we all feel them, but not sleeping only causes you to make even worse decisions.  You are irritable because you are not getting enough sleep.  Your body feels off because you are fatigued.  You are either eating too much or too little – out of boredom, stress, or a combination of the two.  Chances are you are not getting the exercise you are used to.

All of these make us prime for abusing others – especially our children.  They are so vulnerable and easy to attack. Even if we generally are not angry and mean, it is difficult to maintain that demeanor when living the unknown.

Domestic violence is on the rise for these very reasons.  Try your best not to be a part of the problem.

How long before this ends?

And therein lies the problem.  We do not know.  We are creatures of habit.  We like to be in control of our lives, we like to know what comes next in our day.  And we must perceive there is light at the end of the tunnel.  The less we know what is happening and when, the more stressed we become.  It isn’t just the extent of the stressor, but your perception of where you are in it.

As time goes on, we have not only lost our sense of control, but we are in the middle of the tunnel, and we do not see the light at the end.

Well, then, what do we do with ourselves?

  • Identify your stressors.  Oh, boy, what a long list that is!  Once you know what stresses you, use the Covey Matrix to prioritize and eliminate problems.

the covey matrix

After listing your stressors, place them in the matrix.  This way you can see exactly where each stressor lies.  What is worth stressing over?  Once you have this visual, you can eliminate most of those things that are bothering you.

This is how it works:

Box I contains the urgent, most important, tasks you can take immediate action on and resolve.  Those pressing problems that have a solution.  Box II holds the things that matter the most to you, having longer term goals than Box I, and only time and patience will bring the solution.

Boxes III and IV contain items that not important – not worth giving your time to.  How many items from you list can you put in these boxes?  Box IV raises the question, “why are you even concerned about this?”  Along with the items in Box III, you will quickly realize these matters can be put on hold, and will probably fade away over time.

You can use this matrix for any type of decision or conundrum.  Try listing the things you are grateful for and see how they hold up.

The Seven Stress-Relievers that Work Every time.

  1. Accept what you cannot change.  This eases the sense of lack of control.  When you take a solid look at your life, you will realize there are some things that just are.  No fault of anyone’s.  We cannot change the state of the world now, we cannot eliminate the virus, but it makes it easier if we can accept what we can.
  2. “This too shall pass.”  Nothing is permanent.  Nothing stays the same.  You just have to be patient and wait it out.
  3. Relax.  Worry, depression, stress.  How do you relax with all this going on?  Your shoulders are touching your ears, you are so tight in the neck.  If you have not explored relaxation techniques before now, this is a good time to do so.  Take time out of your day when the house is quiet, even if it means getting up a half hour earlier than everyone else, or staying up later at night.  Take some time to relax…
  4. Stay healthy.  Physically and mentally. Sleep, exercise, eat healthy foods.  Walk around the block.  Take the kids with you.  Keep an upbeat attitude.  Do not let this get you down.
  5. Change your thoughts. Instead of brooding on how horrible life is, take some time and look at the good things in your life.  Make a gratitude list.  Find five things to be grateful for every day.  When you start feeling down, stop yourself.  Think about something else.  Fill your days with busy-ness so you do not have to think, if that is what it takes.  Feel the worry coming on?  Worry is futile.
    Remember that.
  6. Pet your pet.  If you do not have a pet, you might consider getting one.  A pet is a companion that does not talk back.  They love you no matter what.  Petting an animal lowers your blood pressure and makes you calmer.  Take the time to feel the sensations – how does the fur feel on your palm, does your animal look at you with love?  Absorb these feelings.
pet an animal for health
Pet your Pet

7.  The most important thing.  Be kind to you.

We’ve all heard it.  You must reach for your oxygen mask first.  Take care of yourself, stop the negative self-talk.  This has nothing to do with who you are.  Staying positive will help control your anger and you will be less likely to lash out at your child or your mate.

It is important in these times that we take control of our stress and the feelings that go with it.  If you can realize most of your feelings are physical reactions to stress, then you can better control the anxiety and panic that will grab you when you least expect it.

Stay safe.  Stay calm. Stay healthy.

change the world with kindness

Wishing you the best.

c.w Pickett

How you do handle your stress?  Let us know in a comment below.


A Pandemic of Fear:  Common Sense about COVID

covid emojii

Does anyone else find this lock-down worrisome?

We are ruled by fear.

Sitting in our homes, waiting to get sick.  Surely the virus will wipe us all out.  Watching the economy spin quickly out of control as the virus spreads just as quickly, doubling and tripling in rates by the day, continuing its spread until it wears itself out.  

The object of this post is not another worn-down talk about COVID, but to put it in perspective.  We are riddled with misinformation, and no on knows what to think, but the truth of the matter is we are panicking over something that could have been prevented. 

Imagine:  You are a patient in a hospital.  There are many sick people with the flu and other infectious diseases, and various healthcare workers frequently traisp into your room, checking on you.  Each time someone enters, they push the button for the antibacterial cream, rub their hands a few times, and then do their thing.  As they walk out of the room, they squirt a little more solution on their hands, and off to the next patient they go.

healthcare acquired infections

A nosocomial infection is an infection acquired from a stay in hospitals, nursing homes, outpatient surgical clinics, renal dialysis centers, and other healthcare facilities.  Hospital-aquired infections (HAI) are contacted by every third patient admitted to the hospital.  The CDC reports  that in 2015, out of 687,000 cases, 72,000 died from HAI, but the Patient Care Link puts these numbers at 1.7 million infections and 99,000 deaths per year.

Healthcare-acquired infections have been a problem for some time – a problem we continue to ignore, and people continue to become infected and die at amazing rates from a stay in the hospital.

Three common strains are escheria coli (e.coli), clostriduim difficile (c. dif), and MRSA, or methicillin resistent staphylococcus aureus. 

    • E. coli lives in the healthy environment in the intestines and is necessary in
      e coli
      e. coli

      digestion of food.  When out of the body, it is found in uncooked meat and unwashed vegetables, making it a common cause of food poisoning.  This bacteria also causes urinary tract infections, and any site with a catheter is a breeding ground for the bacteria. Hand sanitizers do not prevent the spread of e.coli.

  • c. difficile
    c. difficile
    • Clostridium difficile is a bacteria that resides in the large intestine.  It causes severe diarrhea that can lead to dehydration.  This is especially prevalent in nursing homes and hospitals and also is spread through contact with feces and improper hand washing.  Hand sanitizers also do not work with this bacteria.
    • Methycillin Resistent Staphylococcus Aureus (MRSA) is a bacteria that infects wounds, is resistent to most antibiotics, and certain strains can kill you quickly.  Not much destroys this germ.


    The numbers from COVID are alarming and rise every day, and if I post them here, they will be outdated by tomorrow.  But there is this to say about age-related deaths. 

    Examining 72,000 deaths in China by early March, only 1.2% of the deaths were from children ages 1 to 19, and 0.9% were under 10 years.  Only one adolescent died, but infants and children with asthma and a weakened autoimmune system were at higher risk of serious illness from the virus.  The majority of deaths (<80%) were in people over 65.

    As of March, of the COVID cases in the United States, the majority of people admitted to hospitals were from long-term-care facilities.  Like China, 80% of the deaths are those over 65, are admitted more frequently, and utilize the ICU more often. 

    Now it has come to light that the epicenters for the virus in the U.S. are nursing homes.

    nursing homes are ground zero for pandemic
    click on image to read article

    Healthcare facilities, by their nature, are germ-fests on a healthy day.  We trust emergency rooms to be equipped to handle germs of every kind, but as we see by COVID-19, they are not.  

    The virus began in this country in January and February 2020, two full months before the alarm was sounded.  People were sick and went to the emergency rooms or doctor’s offices to be treated.  Not knowing what they were dealing with, the healthcare professionals used their normal handwashing and infection control measures, which were not adequate  even before the COVID outbreak.

    Soap and water will wash the virus away – antibacterial hand-cleaning solutions will not. 

    Using their normal hand-cleaning techniques, healthcare workers unknowingly spread the disease, and multitudes of people were walking around with a virus that quickly escalated to epidemic proportions.  People became sick right and left, and by the time the government sounded the alarm, it was too late.

    Antibacterial solutions also will not eliminate any of the three causes of HAI mentioned above.  Soap and water is the most effective means to wash away any of these germs found in hospitals. 

    The most common cause of transfer of e.coli and c.difficile is from feces to mouth. 

    In all cases, the best thing all of us can do to prevent the spread of disease is by proper handwashing when using the restroom.  Healthcare workers should wash hands before and after treating each patient.  This is not rocket science, but many studies have shown that workers do not wash their hands often enough, even with infection control training and warning signs above the wash station.

    Did you know, more people die per year from HAI than they do in jumbo-jet crashes?  The airlines have figured out how to stop their planes from falling from the sky, but people die at enormous rates from infections acquired in healthcare facilities, which are allowed to continue with unsanitary practices.

    What is the solution?
    1.  Enforce infection control procedures in health care facilities where transfer of fluids, bacteria and viruses are common.  Or we could..
    2. Continue on as before.  The spread of COVID will eventually decrease, but people will continue to die from hospital-aquired infections.

    More people died in the Civil War from infection than they did from bullets.  Since then, penicillin was discovered and infection control measures were instituted to stop the spread of disease.  But in past years, we have become lax.  

    The best option?  Stop the fear factor of becoming deathly ill.  If we all used common sense in keeping our families safe and healthy, we would not need the government to tell us to stay home.  Employers and schools can revisit their sick-leave policies and keep people at home when they are sick.

    The world is changing, but we cannot prevent every death or disease.  We never could.  This sudden take-over of our lives over a virus is rather disturbing.  

    Could this spread of COVID have been prevented?  It certainly would have been better contained if healthcare facilities were more careful about preventing the spread of infections.

    There are things we can do

    Demand your local healthcare facilities look at their quality policies in regards to infection control.  The problem with HAI has been swept under the carpet for too long, and perhaps if better measures were in place before, there would not have been an epidemic of COVID.

    And most importantly –

    Stay home when you are sick!
    Wash your hands frequently!

    We can learn from this.  We can be more cautious in our daily lives to prevent  infections from spreading.  A hard lesson to learn, but mistakes are a good teaching tool.

    Well, you now have a new perspective on this crisis we are in.  There is no need to be ruled by fear.  Be smart and safe.  Stay home and let the disease run it’s course.  And save every penny, because the onslaught from this will not be pretty.

Take the Quantum Leap into Abudance. An excerpt.


take the quantum leap into abundance. a guide to the good life.
An excerpt

Contemplate the workings of the world,
listen to the words of the wise,
and take all that is good as your own.
With this as your base, open your own door to truth.
Do not overlook the truth that is right before you.
Study how water flows in a valley stream,
smoothly and freely between the rocks.
Also, learn from holy books and wise people.
Everything – even mountains, rivers, plants, and trees –
should be your teacher.
~The Art of Peace~


Although we can find abundance wherever we are, we presume abundance and wealth go hand in hand. In our minds, to have wealth is to have abundance. It takes strength of character to live in utter poverty and believe you have all the abundance in the world.

Money is necessary to meet the cycle of needs. Physical needs require money, as does safety. Love is giving, and the more you give, the more you show your love. We cannot help it, our self-esteem is based on the finer things in life; the better our living quarters, the better our mental outlook.

Obtaining wealth has the same mindset as any other success. You must desire, believe, and expect it before you receive it. You must act in a certain way. Most importantly, you must cancel the idea that the love of money is the root of evil. Money is money, a means to an end. Money is not evil, only the people who spend it in evil ways.

Banish the thought that having riches is wrong. When in tune with the Universe, you express the desires of the Universe. When the Universe is in control, abundance will freely flow.

If a room full of gold bars is your goal, then this is your Supreme Power beaconing you. Follow your heart. You will be amazed.

Taking the Quantum Leap is not jumping into another physical realm, a different reality. Rather you are leaping into another consciousness; another plane of existence.

Quantum People live a fulfilling life, but they are not in another physical realm, obviously. The ones who shine the strongest in our memory have strong moral character and cause great things to happen. They are the ones who set humanity apart from the rest.

True, some nasty characters spring up throughout history, but who are the heroes? Who are the ones revered the most? The longest remembered? Who gives the world the greatest legacies? The Quantum People! Those who transcend so-called human limitations and follow their heart.

True abundance comes from doing what you love. Surround yourself with beauty, with people who love you, follow your heart, and do what makes you happy.

With the body, mind, and soul in a row – when these three are aligned, then life is in perfect harmony. Success follows harmony. Success comes from knowing what you want and having a blueprint as a guide to meet your desire.

Following your heart means following the voice in your head – the one telling you to go forth and multiply. Ideas. Opportunities. Multiply your ideas by believing with absolute faith you will accomplish your goals.

The thought is formed when you see it in your mind’s eye. Apply action and the goal will become real.

Seeing and believing do more than help you realize your goals, they also keep you in touch with the Ruler of the Universe. Uncanny events happen once you are connected. Have a worry, let it go, and the answer will appear. This is not nonsense. This is what happens when you take the leap into your true existence.

What you search for is right here, inside of you. You know what you want, your desires and dreams. These are not fantasies found in storybooks, but the Universe coming through, expressing your worth to the world.

If you follow those urgings instead of directing them, you will become spontaneous in your living and therefore more open to opportunities. Your inner voice is telling you to do this thing for a chance at an opportunity.

“Try this idea, see how it works,” the voice says.

How many times a day do you argue with that voice; reason it out, tamp it down, tell it to go away, the thing cannot be done. Squashing ideas and opportunities for abundance.

One word of caution: Be careful what you wish for. Be careful that when you throw out the old, you do not throw out your treasured blanket. Not everything in your life must go, does it? Keep the possessions and people who enhance your life. As you view your life in gratitude, you will find parts you do not want to change. Loved ones, possessions, even habits, and that is okay.

You may bring about drastic changes in your life; find another job; get married; get divorced; move halfway around the world. Or there may be no visible change to your physical existence. The change, whatever your outer world, will come from within.

One day you will notice life is running smoother, amazing things happen without explanation; you are happier. This is when you will know you have taken the great leap into your quantum life, and have found abundance.

A book cover with mountains and the sun shining
   click the image to order

Guilty Before Proven Innocent: A look behind America’s Iron Curtain

More than one-third of America’s citizens are under some kind of correctional control – jail, prison, probation, or parole.

What is the Iron Curtain?  When Russia was called the Soviet Union and under Communist rule, communism was called the “iron curtain.”

In America we claim freedom, but too many of our citizens are trapped behind the iron bars of justice.

You’ve probably heard it on the news or seen it on the internet:  2.3 Americans are in prison and 11 to 12 million churns through jails every year.  Nearly two thirds of those in jail are technically innocent.  They have been charged, but not proven, of a crime.

Since most people in jail live in poverty anyway, they cannot afford to pay the bondsman, and so they sit.  More and more women are being arrested and incarcerated – for low level crimes.  Mothers are losing their children, not for abuse, but because their sentence term is long enough for the courts take the children away.

The majority of people in the system are parents.  Mothers and fathers with young children lose their jobs because of a three-day stay in jail.  The consequences of a conviction, whether felony or misdemeanor, is lost chances.

Lost chances at renting a decent place to live and having a well-paying job.  Policies of landowners and employers are geared toward not hiring, or renting to, those with a criminal record.

The three largest groups of the homeless:

1. Those incarcerated more than once
2. Those incarcerated who are recently released
3. People of color

Once the legal system has you, say goodbye not only to your freedom, but to your life – which will not be the same once your legal problems are over.  They will follow you the rest of your life, and if you happen to be involved in a crime down the road, you will be one of the first to be suspected.

Suicide does not know income boundaries, those with the highest income and the lowest income commit suicide – but there is an inordinate number of suicides among the mentally ill in prisons and jails.

Suicide is the leading cause of death in correctional facilities. An estimated half of all inmate-suicides are committed by those with a mental illness.

Vera Institute of Justice

There is no psychiatric facility in the United States that holds more people with mental illness than jails!  The conditions of jail just make things worse:

    1. The lights are on 24/7. Day in, day out, there is halogen and/or fluorescent lighting in the day room, the sleeping rooms, and the exercise yard. This is light torture. The body needs dark to process melatonin for sleep. The mind and body need a restful nights’ sleep to function properly.
    2. The food is meant to tempt empty bellies, and not intended to be wildly nutritious or balanced. A poor diet contributes to mental-health problems as much as lack of sleep.
    3. Hygiene. Shared toilet facilities, improper sanitation, less-than-clean conditions, all of these contribute to the rampant spread of disease.
    4. Lack of sunshine or exercise. You can be sure the jailers do not pass out vitamin D pills! Without sunshine, depression sets in. Jails do not promote much activity, and we know what lack of activity does to our bodies.

It is true, people are in jail to be punished, but why does punishment take away basic human needs? If proper food, exercise, sunshine and adequate hygiene were provided, jail would not be such a hellhole.

Did you know the states that rank the lowest in healthcare rank the highest IN BOTH suicide deaths and incarceration?

These states are clustered in the mountain states, including Alaska.  The states with the heaviest gun control laws have the lowest rates of suicide.  Barriers, such as gun locks, take away the impulsiveness of the moment, and gives the person a chance to think twice.



America incarcerates more of our citizens than any other country in the world, but 25 U.S. states incarcerate more of their citizens than America.

Unknown numbers are in the correctional system who are innocent of the crime.  As high as 230,000 people, or one-tenth of the prison population, may be innocent.  Not innocent waiting for trial, but innocent. As in "I didn't do it."

How can so many people be so wrongly accused?  The end of the book has a shining example of how this happens.

I hope you like history, because Part 4 takes you back 120 years to when Wyoming was starting out as a state.  From 1869 to 1920, Wyoming was the only political entity in the world that gave women the right to vote.  It turns out the Equality State, as it was named because of women voting and owning property, is not as equal as we may think.

A man wrongly convicted

Tricked into the deputy’s lair with a false promise of a job, a drunken confession was rung out of Tom Horn, and he never saw the light of day again.  For twenty-two months he sat in the Laramie County jail, first waiting his trial and then waiting his conviction.

Tom Horn making a horsehair lariat.

Through twists and turns, and smoke and mirrors, the prosecuting attorney wove a convincing story of Tom’s guilt, but the sad part, none of it was true.  He clouded the waters by bringing witnesses that convoluted any evidence brought up by the the defense.  By the end of the trial, after threats from the public if they let Tom Horn go, the jury found him guilty, thinking that he could appeal their decision to the supreme court and the governor.

Justice did not work so well for Tom Horn.  He testified in court that he trusted cattle more than courts.  Perhaps we should be as suspicious.

The story is complete with a woman that came forth with knowledge of the real killer, but yellow jounalism tagged her as a prostitute, the prosecutor threw her in jail for perjury, and the governor said she was making up “theories.”

If you think the justice system is just, then this book is for you.  If you are in the system, then you know what I’m talking about.  My book is meant to open eyes to see the profound impact mass incarceration is having on America’s families.  If you support the death penalty, maybe the truth about Tom Horn will change your mind.

No wonder our society has so many problems, when you consider incarceration and poverty have risen together, in tandem, over the last thirty years.

And this, my friends, is what this book is about.  The only one like it.

Click in Image to Order

Buy it today.  Hot off the Press.  Read it, enjoy it, pass it on.  Please give my book a boost and place your review on Amazon or leave your comments below.

Signs of Dangerous Men and How to Avoid Them

April is Sexual Assault and Awareness Month sexual assault awareness month

In the spirit of spreading the word, this blog talks about the signs of dangerous men and why we should avoid them.  We let them into our lives, and they turn out to be predators. You will find them at home, at work, at school and college, the military, and in the streets, but the ones we have to watch out for the most are in our home. 

How do you know what a person is capable of before it is too late?

sexual assault and awareness month

As in most interviews with sexual assault victims, the dialogue, the violation of privacy, and the demeanor of the victim are excruciating.  For anyone who has a cavalier attitude about predation, he need only to watch its influence on the victims in order to change his attitude.  They cannot scrub the stain out of their skin.  Over and over again, the assault flickers like a sad-porn film on a screen inside their heads, sometimes for months, sometimes years.  

James Lee Burke, Robicheaux

It does not matter whether you were raped once as an adult, or assaulted many times as a child, you just cannot seem to wash that stain away, no matter how many showers you take.

You will be going along, having a good day, when suddenly from out of nowhere, comes the feeling of your stomach hitting the floor.  “Where did that come from?” you wonder. Sometimes you know, sometimes you don’t.

Forgetting the past is not possible for someone who has been sexually assaulted.  Slap me, beat me, call me names; I can get over those.  Sexually abuse me, you take a part of me away – and leave an emptiness that can never be filled.

For both men and women who are raped, men are the most frequent perpetrators.  You rarely hear of a woman raping a man.  You sometimes hear of women molesting children – mostly teenaged boys, but a woman rapist is rare.  And because of that, I will be using “he” throughout this blog to refer to the predator.


(Taken from a Woman’s Self-Defense Manual from 1990)

    • Don’t go out without clothes:  That encourages some men
    • Don’t go out with clothes:  Any clothes encourage some men
    • Don’t go out alone at night:  That encourages men
    • Don’t go out alone at any time:  Any situation encourages some men
    • Don’t go out with a female friend:  Some men are encouraged by numbers
    • Don’t go out with a male friend:  Some male friends are capable of rape
    • Don’t stay at home:  Intruders and relatives can both rape
    • Avoid childhood:  Some rapists are “turned on” by little girls
    • Avoid old age:  Some rapists “prefer” aged women
    • Don’t have a father, grandfather, uncle or brother:  These are the relatives who often rape young women
    • Don’t have neighbors:  These often rape women
    • Don’t marry:  Rape is legal within marriage (today this is illegal in all 50 states)

While this was written as tongue-in-cheek, there is a ring of truth to it.  But myths, sarcasm, and downplaying the situation does not keep us safe.  Sadly, many people still believe the victim is responsible for the attack, just because of the above.  “She must have asked for it.”

Then there is the doubt as to whether the act really happened unless there is gross physical evidence.  Even that can be explained away.  Too often it becomes a “he said/she said” scenario and no one knows who to believe. These guys are slick and have their demeanor and their stories straightened out and rehearsed.

Things to consider when going about your day
        1.  Hairstyle.  Hair in a ponytail is easiest to grab onto.
        2.  Clothing.  They like skimpy clothing only because it is easier to rip off.
        3.  Distractions.  You are immersed in your cell phone, you have earbuds and are listening to music.  You are unaware of who is approaching you.
        4. Locations.  Grocery store parking lots, office parking lots/garages, public restrooms.
        5.  Easy to grab.  Stay away from parked vans or vehicles that have a lone male driver.

This is all well and good when you are out and about.  But we keep on the lookout for suspicious strangers when the threat is much closer to home.  Too many times in our home. 

the threat in our homes

child victims often know the perpetrator

80% of perpetrators are a parent
6% are other relatives
5% are “other” (from siblings to strangers)
4% are unmarried partners of a parent

every 8 minutes

The younger the child at the time of the abuse, the more likely s/he is to have problems later in life.  Victim behaviors begin at the time of the trauma, and if the trauma is not processed, these behaviors become a part of the personality.  Shame and fear rule the child’s world.  And these feelings continue through their life with symptoms of depression, drug and alcohol abuse, and PTSD.  

predator behavior is a way of thinking

Unfortunately, the behavior of a sexual predator is wrapped up in his thinking, and this is what makes him a danger to others.  

Whether a family member, a co-worker, a boss or someone in a superior position, there is a particular thinking pattern that causes this behavior.

Stanton Samenow, Ph.D. outlines this thinking process for us.  Because of their charming personalities, it is difficult to pick up on them, but these tips might help:

four common traits of a sexual predator

Power and control.  His goal is to dominate.  He is the one in charge and perhaps a little pushy about it.  He seldom takes no for an answer and has a tendency to get upset if you challenge him or his ideas.

Unique.  He is irresistible.  He makes his presences known.  Again, he will not take no for an answer and is pushy about making up his own rules.  He expects you to follow along.  After all, he is your savior, is he not?

Deceptive.  Get over it.  Everything he tells you is a lie.  Don’t believe me?  Just give it time.  True colors eventually come out.   He is intelligent, talented and charismatic, and uses these traits to manipulate people, including you.  Charisma – the ability to capture a room full of people with his charm. 

Consequences.  He doesn’t care about the consequences.  Sexual predation is a game to him.  He knows the difference between right and wrong, so this is not a morality issue.  It is about power and control.  As long as he gets away with what he does, who is in control?  And when he does get caught he turns into a victim.  “She enticed me, I just couldn’t help myself.”

ever 92 seconds sexual assault

protecting yourself and your family

How do you stay safe from someone like this? 

They are likable, charming, the laugh of the party.  You are lucky to have someone like this in your life, aren’t you? Well, you might not feel so lucky after they get their hooks into you.

The world is full of crazy people and to find someone that is kind and helpful feels like a godsend.  You are having problems, and finally, here is someone who cares enough to listen and understand.

It doesn’t matter how educated you are, or what kind of job you have, women fall all the time for the charmer.  Didn’t you have a Prince Charming when you were growing up?  We are conditioned to fall for the nice guy.

Sad but true, it is these nice guys you have to be wary of.  Especially if he is there to pick you up, to make you feel worthwhile.  They like people who are down in the dumps.  Too absorbed with your own problems and the relief that someone is listening to you, you don’t see the underbelly of the snake.


The world is not safe, which means you have to have your trust-radar on at all times.  The one thing that will keep you safe is your instinct.  Your gut feeling.  If you feel there is something wrong with this person, go with your gut.

It is better to be judicious when first meeting someone than to let a predator into your life.  

This means you have to be careful who you pick as a mate.  If you bring your boyfriend home and you do not know him very well, you could be placing your family at great risk.

Be careful who you bring into your house.  You ask them in for a friendly drink and they never leave.  Our homes are the only safe haven we have.  Protect it.

When someone who knows you well tells you this guy is a jerk, listen to them.  Your mom is not being mean or controlling.  She is concerned.  Trust her.  She’s lived longer than you.  She knows what she’s talking about.  

Your friends know you and love you.  They can see what he’s doing to you.  Listen to them.

Too many daughters have brought abusive men into families – the families try their best to accept him, but in the end, the daughters bring trouble.

And so the cycle continues.


no more rape culture

prevention and awareness
      1. The best way to prevent this from happening to you, obviously, is to keep these kinds of people out of your life!  But as we have determined, the most dangerous men are the ones we are most attracted to.  Charismatic and helpful – at first.
      2. A self-defense class will teach you awareness, but any physical techniques you learn can easily be used against you.  He is strong and overpowering – and smart. 
      3. Never underestimate your attacker.  You do not know what they know. 
      4. Teach your children assertiveness skills.  Learn assertiveness skills yourself so the next time someone tries to flummox you, you are ready for them.
      5. Listen to your child.  Children are open-minded and honest when evaluating people.  If they don’t like the guy, trust their judgment.  If they are being molested, they will be too scared to come out and tell you.  Chances are they have been threatened with harm if they “tell mommy.”
      6. Listen to your instincts.  If you cannot recognize bad people, then this is something you need to work on.  You can usually tell if you like someone or not within the first 30 seconds of meeting them, but we ignore those signs.  
      7. Beware of the nice guy.  There are truly nice guys in this world, but they are honest and straightforward.  The “nice guy” who rapes you or your daughter turns out to be not so nice after all.
      8. Be careful who you bring into your home.  Once you have invited someone in, you are willing to share a part of your life.  Be sure you invite only people you trust.
In a nutshell

Sexual predators look for your weaknesses and move in when your guard is lowest.  They sense your distress and feed on it.  Once they come into your life, they are hard to get out.

It is not healthy to limit your activities because you are afraid.  It is better to learn people skills and how to deal with and/or avoid people that take up your space.

Be wary of Mr. Nice Guy, the stranger who comes into your life and seems like a godsend.  Maybe he is, but probably he is not.


walking between the raindrops, a treatise on trauma
     Why Do Women Stay?

Click here to read more.

Stay Safe.

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10 Ways to Rid Yourself of Anxiety and Panic

man worrying

Your day is not going well.  You did not sleep very well last night, if at all.  You are tired and edgy.  Irritable.

If you are prone to anxiety, have you noticed it is worse on days when you do not sleep well, are under an inordinate amount of stress, or just plain worn out?

Generally, anxiety occurs as a result of lack of sleep or too much stress.  Do you have difficulty sleeping when you are tired?  

What do you do, tell your boss you need a nap?  Lock your door and tell your kids to let you sleep?  If you are like most people, neither one of these are options.

You control your stress as much as you can, but there are some days…

You are not alone.  Consider this:

what percentage of the population has anxiety

You do not have to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder to experience anxiety.  Disorders happen over time, so to prevent this, learn to control your anxiety before it becomes a set-in-stone way of thinking.

anxiety can be controlled

In this blog, you will learn 10 ways, plus a few more, to rid yourself of anxiety and panic. 

When you first feel the anxiety coming on, recognize it, compartmentalize it with mindfulness, and then release your tension.  After practicing this daily as a routine, and more often when the need arises, you will begin to find your anxiety lessen. 

Many people swear by CBD oil for controlling their anxiety.  Taken on a daily basis, CBD oil seems to regulate mood swings.  You might want to give it a try.

Read on and learn how you can rid yourself of anxiety and panic.  But first, a word about mindfulness.


Anxiety, panic, and worry stem from the same thinking process. The trouble usually starts with worry, and as feelings of the hopelessness of resolving the issue progress, so do the feelings of anxiety.

In serious situations, panic strikes!

People prone to anxiety can have these attacks multiple times a day. If you are someone whose day is riddled with uncontrollable stress and anxiety, I have an idea that might work for you.

No, please!  Not more about mindfulness!!

Yes, mindfulness. But what I have for you is a different approach than what you normally read about. I stumbled upon this after trying different ways to be mindful, and after a few days of doing so, I found my mind was more controlled and less anxious.

This got me to thinking about the hype we put on mindfulness. We tie it to meditation and some impossible goal that few of us can achieve. We associate a pure mind to Shaolin monks and esoterics that have complete control over their lives and meditate often. Our lives are too busy to take meditation seriously, and so we live with a cluttered stressed-out mind.



Mindfulness is the act of being present in the moment.

But many of us cannot do that.  Not to worry!  If you cannot eat mindfully, or live your life mindfully, that is okay.  The techniques I am about to suggest will not play on your guilt.  They do not entail a lot of work and only take a moment.

To ruminate means to chew over, like a cow chews its cud. This is actually where the word comes from. A cow has a second stomach, the rumen, which contains digested grass that the chow regurgitates and chews during the day.

Our thoughts are the same, are they not? Recycled fodder!

When we worry, we ruminate, tossing the same thoughts over and over again in our heads, trying to come up with a solution to this immense problem.

Anxiety is the same. Ruminating, over and over, what is going to happen next?


As quick as a flash, you can change your thoughts.

This is how it works:

Are you stuck in a thought rut, having deep, dark thoughts?

(Read the full article here)

  • Stop and look around.
  • Let your thoughts alone and be what they are.
  • Pick an object to study. 
  • Examine that object thoroughly. 

Rub the palm of your hand across your clothing. The palm is the most sensitive part of your body and is in direct contact with your brain. The sensation of the texture of the fabric establishes a connection between brain and body, and will quickly reset the equilibrium.

These exercises only take a minute, but you can continue as long as you want. The more often you practice this kind of mindfulness, the more you will train your brain onto pleasant thoughts and away from the dark thoughts.

worry is a misuse of imagination


When we are anxious and afraid, the connection between body and brain becomes weak. All attention goes to the brain to deal with the fear and our body literally goes into automatic pilot.

By rubbing your palm on your jeans, or by concentrating on the details of an object, you are signaling to both brain and body that the two are connected. You are telling the systems to work together, that they are a collective well-oiled mechanism that functions as one.

You are telling your body and brain YOU are in control – not the panic, not the dark thoughts. 

Our brains naturally gravitate to pleasure, but when we are stressed, the brain jumps into its on-call-for-danger mode. Breaking out of the ruminating thoughts gives you a chance to see the world in a more positive light, and by doing so, the anxiety will begin to abate.

Our brains are easily trainable, happy to do whatever we tell it to.

10 Steps to relax tension

Tension is the thing that makes us anxious.  Our bodies become tight, our minds start to race and we are off to the races! (racing mind, racing heart rate).

The best way to break the anxiety/panic cycle is to learn to relax tension before the feelings and the natural progression of panic spins out of control.  Here are ten steps to take the next time you feel uptightness coming on.

1.  Notice your uptight body.  Are you drawn up tight like a rubber band?  Are your shoulders up to your ears?  Is your neck stiff and tense?  Do a body scan.  Where are you tight? Think the opposite. Down Easy. 

2.  Take a minute.  What do you do when you stand in line?  Do you fidget and get upset because people are not moving fast enough?  Perhaps you make comments and are rude to the teller because she took so long (no fault of hers, of course).  Take these small moments in time and concentrate on relaxing.  Be mindful of your surroundings, be mindful of what is happening inside of you.  Rather than fidget and squirm, take the moment to enjoy the calm.  The line will not go any faster whether you fuss or stay calm.

3.  Breathe.  This advice is about as worn out as is the advice of practicing mindfulness.  Worn out or not, the best advice when you are upset is to breath.  Slowly and deeply.  Concentrate on the breath in and out.  Counting gives your mind something to focus on. 

Breathing is fundamental to life.  Then why do you hold your breath when you are upset?  Concentrate on your breathing – a good thing to do when you are irritable about standing in line!

breathing to relax

These next five steps are good to be done together in order.  Relaxing with steps 1 to 3 is a good way to get ready for the next five steps.

4.  Pretend you are a leaf.  Sit quietly in a comfortable chair.  Rest your head against the back of the chair and stretch out your feet.  Raise your hands, and then drop them into your lap – let them lie there loosely, like a fallen leaf.

5.  Visualize.  See a peaceful and calm scene in your mind.  Smell the smells, hear the sounds.  Whether it be a mountain top, the ocean beach, or flower-filled meadow, be there and enjoy.

6.  Peace.  Feel the peace of the place, feel it permeate into your spirit.  Say to yourself, “this peaceful place is changing my tension to relaxation.”

7.  Drain.  Consciously and deliberately drain your mind and body of tension and negative thoughts.  See them leaving your body and let them go…

8.  Words.  Words have a healing effect.  Use affirmations that include the words peace, serenity, tranquility, harmony, quietness, restfulness, love, joy, happiness.

In addition to doing these eight steps when panic strikes, practice the next two steps daily.  Learn to stay in touch with your emotions so you can gain better control.

9.  Quiet.  Take at least a 10-minute break every day to be alone.  Read something uplifting, say a prayer, use the time to meditate.  We all need alone time, so give yourself permission to take 10 minutes out of your day to connect with who you are.

10.  Repeat.  Throughout the day, repeat your affirmations.  At least once a day, and other times when anxiety starts, find five things to be grateful for.  When you are upset by money, be grateful it is there for you. When you are upset at your job, be grateful you have a job.  When upset about someone you love, be glad they are in your life.

You get the idea.  There are many things throughout the day to be grateful for, whatever your circumstances.  Take the time to find them.

try cbd oil for your anxiety

Rather than hit the Xanax bottle, or the beer or whiskey bottle, to ease your jumbled nerves, try a tincture of CBD oil.

Scientists are not sure exactly why CBD oil works to calm anxiety, but it does.  Could it be that the neuroprotective factors of the cannabinoids are actually protecting and repairing your nerves?

It is not just the nervous system that is affected by anxiety.  And the nervous system does not always cause anxiety.  

The next time, before your anxiety begins to rise off the charts, take a moment to figure out what is causing it.

    • Has it been a while since you have eaten?
    • Do you have a medical condition that could cause you to feel anxious and irritable? 
    • Are you taking medications that list anxiety as a side effect? 
    • Are you overstimulated and completely worn out?

The more you follow a routine, the easier it will be to calm you anxiety and panic attacks before they start. It is a matter of training your brain and body not to respond in such a manner. Your mind is programmed to be upset with certain triggers.  Now you have to de-program it.

When you feel the gathering storm of your anxiety, try this:

what to do when anxious feelings arise



Mindfulness does not examine thoughts or behaviors, it does not delve into the cause of your issues.  It does the opposite.

This moment of mindfulness gives your brain a vacation, a much-needed break from working out a problem that seemingly cannot be solved.

Admit it.  Worry does not solve anything!

The answers only come with a clear head.

By calming your brain, you automatically calm your body.

Try it. With practice, you will notice your anxiety is easier to control.

Mindfulness, pure and simple.






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